Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
