you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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