Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
