i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
