is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
