obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
