I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
