Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize