I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
