Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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