what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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