we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
