I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
