Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
