Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
