she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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