well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
