let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
