and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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