He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
