just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
