I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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