Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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