what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
