so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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