Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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