My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
