It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How's work?
Spinning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
