my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
