You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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