He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
