woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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