The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
