Soap is not a condiment
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
