I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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