Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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