It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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