HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
