Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
