a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
