I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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