I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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