i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
