Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am mentally ready for anal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
