I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
