Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize