Tell her she can't have a vagina
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
