We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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