So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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