Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
