I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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