What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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