apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
