return my video game
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
