Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
