In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
