spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
