that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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