five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
