sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I got chris browned last night
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
