I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
