who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
