i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
