so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
