Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
