Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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