i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
