Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
