so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
