He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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