Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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